Effective Communication:
The concrete actions we are
observing that are affecting our well-being.
observing that are affecting our well-being.
How we are feeling in relation
to what we are observing
to what we are observing
The needs, values, desires, etc.
that are creating our feelings
that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we request
in order to enrich our lives.
in order to enrich our lives.
First, we observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are we observing others saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching our life? The trick is to be able to articulate this observation without introducing any judgment or evaluation—to simply say what people are doing that we either like or don’t like.
| Four components of NVC: 1. observation 2. feeling 3. needs 4. request |
Next, we state how we feel when we observe this action: are we hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated, etc.? And thirdly, we say what needs of ours are connected to the feelings we have identified. An awareness of these three components is present when we use NVC to clearly and honestly express how we are.
This fourth component addresses what we are wanting from the other person that would enrich our lives or make life more wonderful for us.