How to Start that Heart-to-Heart
By Helen Worster, MFT
Congratulations on your new daughter. A baby certainly changes the dynamics in a marriage. New moms often feel overwhelmed until, at some point, they realize that you can’t do it all and you have to let go of some things. New dads often doubt their capabilities as fathers, and they often feel unsure of just how to be supportive. Rather than deal with these emotions and uncertainties, some men continue to look outside themselves for confidence with familiar activities.
You are on the right path to solving this situation by suggesting that you both talk about your expectations and feelings. To have a satisfying, successful discussion, create a time when both of you are fairly rested and can refrain from blame. You might start by asking questions that you both answer, with the understanding that neither of you will respond with negative comments. Such questions might include:
- How do you feel about the changes in your lives since the baby?- What were your expectations of how you would be as a mother/father?
- What did you expect the other to do in terms of baby care, household chores,
and working outside the home?
- How do you have time with the baby, for each other and individual pursuits?
Really listen to each other with an open mind, try to brainstorm ways to resolve conflicts, and then negotiate solutions. And always strive to work as a team. Parenthood is a challenging journey—but it’s exciting, too! And maintaining a team mentality is essential.
Helen Worster is a marriage and family therapist in private practice in midtown Sacramento. You can learn more at CounselingCalifornia.com.