With the recent homicide/suicides of three families in San Diego County, it is important to discuss ways to recognize when a friend or family member is suffering with thoughts of suicide. In the cases most recently publicized within San Diego, the parents had taken their lives as well as the lives of their children. How could a parent do this to his/her own child? While I have no personal knowledge of these specific cases, my experience and education tells me that these families had been in crisis for quite some time. Below are some helpful ways that you might respond to warning signs of suicide.
*Watch a terrific short video clip from Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Campaign*
Many people feel a stigma in discussing their feelings of hopelessness and despair. Money issues, the loss of a job, a recent death or divorce, may be the final straw that sends someone over the edge. If your friend or family member begins to give away special items or appears suddenly giddy or happy, these are signs that your friend has possibly decided to end his life. Any recent decisions that seem impulsive or out of the ordinary are strong warning signs.
If there are children (under the age of 18) in the home, you may make an anonymous phone call to Child Protective Services to express your concern. The family will not "get in trouble" and your name will not be revealed. Your call for help will not "tip the scales" to put your friend over the edge. Quite the opposite - this will be the beginning of aid and assistance to the concerned party and his family.
Imagine the tragedy of those recently killed by their parents. If only the parent had known that help is available...there is medication to change the brain chemistry and provide a mental respite. There are ways to recover from financial loss. Heartbreaks and rejections are devastating but not worth ending your life or the life of your child.
Questions to ask your friend include, "Have you thought of harming yourself?" Do not be afraid to ask this! Many people won't ask because they think they might plant the seed. Not at all, in fact, quite the opposite.
If they respond in the affirmative, follow up with another helpful question, "How might you do that?" Again, be brave and forge ahead. This conversation may be just the conversational opening that your loved one has been praying for...it's a wonderfully courageous message that you can tolerate the truth and that you care!
What other steps can be taken? If you are concerned about a co-worker or family member, recruit other people who also care about the suicidal person. Organize a group sit-down (with your friend and discuss your concerns. You can do some internet research and formulate a list of free mental health counselors and agencies who can treat your friend; provide him the list with numbers. Suggest you'll go along with him to make the visit easier.
Suicide attempts are most "successful" when attempted by middle aged males. If the individual has tried to commit suicide before, they are at greater risk for succeeding at their next attempt. Sometimes drugs or alcohol play a role, or the individual has suffered from depression for years, becoming more and more isolated and emotionally disconnected, now unable to ask for help or reach out to the mental health community. Isolated lifestyles, in combination with great access to medications, also contribute to the aged population's increased risk of completing suicide.
Cultural considerations are also at play. Some cultures frame "asking for help" as shameful and humiliating. In this case, it may be very helpful to use the friend's cultural leaders or professionals as a liaison to communicate your concerns (religious figure, elder, etc). Do not worry about keeping threats of suicide confidential. This is an unreasonable request from your loved one - "Don't tell anyone that I'm talking about killing myself" - that's one secret that must not be kept.
Factors that lower the probability of suicide which may put your concerns at ease; caregiving responsibility of another person or pet ownership. Pets keep people alive and give human beings meaning. Also, any pending event, such as a wedding or milestone birthday, are also positive signs that your loved one wants to "hang in there."
As a safety measure, if your loved one has weapons in the home, he may be willing to temporarily place them elsewhere until clear thinking returns, another good sign that there is hope that things will improve.
In San Diego County, there is always access to free mental health services. Lack of income, employment, or insurance is not enough of a reason to avoid seeking counseling. Research shows that just one person can make the difference between another person's decision to attempt suicide or not. If you are a family member or friend of someone appearing in great distress, please share your concerns with others as soon as possible.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK (8255) - NAMI San Diego Family & Peer Support Helpline
(619) 543-1434 or 1-800-523-5933 - Go to the nearest hospital or emergency room
- Call your physician, health provider or clergy
- National Alliance on Mental Illness
www.nami.org 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) - It's Up to San Diego, read more about suicide prevention, 24/7 assistance
- Resources for LGBT
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confidential email
*
Stigma erodes confidence that mental disorders are real, treatable health
conditions. We have allowed stigma and a now unwarranted sense of
hopelessness to erect attitudinal, structural and financial barriers to effective
treatment and recovery. It is time to take these barriers down
confidential email
*
Stigma erodes confidence that mental disorders are real, treatable health
conditions. We have allowed stigma and a now unwarranted sense of
hopelessness to erect attitudinal, structural and financial barriers to effective
treatment and recovery. It is time to take these barriers down
*
Mental illnesses usually strike individuals in the prime of their lives, often during
adolescence and young adulthood. All ages are susceptible, but the young and the
old are especially vulnerable.
Mental illnesses usually strike individuals in the prime of their lives, often during
adolescence and young adulthood. All ages are susceptible, but the young and the
old are especially vulnerable.
*
Without treatment the consequences of mental illness for the individual and
society are staggering: unnecessary disability, unemployment, substance abuse,
homelessness, inappropriate incarceration, suicide and wasted lives; The
economic cost of untreated mental illness is more than 100 billion dollars each
year in the United States.
society are staggering: unnecessary disability, unemployment, substance abuse,
homelessness, inappropriate incarceration, suicide and wasted lives; The
economic cost of untreated mental illness is more than 100 billion dollars each
year in the United States.
*
The best treatments for serious mental illnesses today are highly effective;
between 70 and 90 percent of individuals have significant reduction of symptoms
and improved quality of life with a combination of pharmacological and
psychosocial treatments and supports.
between 70 and 90 percent of individuals have significant reduction of symptoms
and improved quality of life with a combination of pharmacological and
psychosocial treatments and supports.
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