Self Within Marriage: a Psychoanalytical View

Self Within Marriage...
An excellent podcast (about 5 minutes in length) exploring "self" within marriage and the "natural tension" that inevitably occurs in an intimate and long-lasting relationship.
A new book explores how individuals can hold on to their identities while being part of a couple. Self Within Marriage Marriage is a delicate balance between individuality and togetherness. Clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Richard Zeitner says that relationship and emotional difficulties occur when this careful balance is out of kilter. Zeitner, who is a director of the Greater Kansas City Psychoanalytic Institute, has written a book entitled Self Within Marriage to help other therapists work with people as individuals and partners. The book is written from a decidedly psychoanalytic point of view - an approach that focuses on the unconscious - and originated with Sigmund Freud.


Allowing Teenage Boys to Love Their Friends & Cyberbullying

teen boys: much is made of girls and their friends- but what about boys?
this is an excellent article on boys and friendships.

“He was struggling to find guys to be close with,” she said, “and I thought, ‘whatever.’ I didn’t take friendships seriously then either. In couples’ therapy, the solution is ‘date night.’ But to help your marriage, go out with your best friend! Spend quality time away from each other! How can you get everything you need from just one person?
...for boys, the perception of a betrayal by a buddy is absolute because they feel “their intense vulnerability” has been exposed. “And they have no way to talk about it, to work it through. For boys, that’s terrifying.” Also potentially dangerous: around ages 15 and 16, she noted, the suicide rate for American boys becomes about four times that of girls."
Great website for materials related to mental health


Painpill Addiction Fatalities Surpass Auto Deaths. The Accidental Overdose

As I have been saying for years now, Big Pharma has led to a new "addict," the accidental addict, if you will.
The old disease model of drug addiction was simply explained as an abuser who came hardwired...a frame of mind that made him/her compulsive, extreme, avoidant, or risk-seeking. Possibly genetically predisposed because of heredity, or, environmentally shaped (mom and dad were poor role models). Even urban poverty and early childhood violence has been linked to drug addiction and substance abuse.
But, as we can see with these new statistics here, reflecting an over-abundance - a prevalence so great - of pill distribution, fueled by top tier marketing, pill administering has become matter of fact commonplace. Even, dare I say, a mind-set that encourages pill taking as the "new normal."
Pharmaceutical companies have won the war - most U.S. Citizens are oblivious to the subtle and pervasive campaign towards profit making, a la J.R. Reynolds and the Tobacco Industry. Health and welfare of the consumer be damned.

I will continue to sound the alarm bells on this issue of painpill overdose and dependence, as my blog and Facebook posts have been doing for quite some time now.

Below, a synopsis of the recent L.A. Times article. More to come.
"Fueling the surge in deaths are prescription pain and anxiety drugs that are potent, highly addictive and especially dangerous when combined with one another or with other drugs or alcohol. Among the most commonly abused are OxyContin, Vicodin, Xanax and Soma. One relative newcomer to the scene is Fentanyl, a painkiller that comes in the form of patches and lollipops and is 100 times more powerful than morphine.
Such drugs now cause more deaths than heroin and cocaine combined.
A review of hundreds of autopsy reports in Southern California reveals one tragic demise after another: A 19-year-old Army recruit, who had just passed his military physical, took a handful of Xanax and painkillers while partying with friends. A groom, anxious over his upcoming wedding, overdosed on a cocktail of prescription drugs. A teenage honors student overdosed on painkillers her father left in his medicine cabinet from a surgery years earlier. A toddler was orphaned after both parents overdosed on prescription drugs months apart. A grandmother suffering from chronic back pain apparently forgot she'd already taken her daily regimen of pills and ended up double dosing
The rise in deaths corresponds with doctors prescribing more painkillers and anti-anxiety medications. The number of prescriptions for the strongest pain pills filled at California pharmacies, for instance, increased more than 43% since 2007 — and the doses grew by even more, nearly 50%, according to a review of prescribing data collected by the state.
Those prescriptions provide relief to pain sufferers but also fuel a thriving black market. Prescription drugs are traded on Internet chat rooms that buzz with offers of "vikes," "percs" and "oxys" for $10 to $80 a pill. They are sold on street corners along with heroin, marijuana and crack. An addiction to prescription drugs can be costly; a heavy OxyContin habit can run twice as much as a heroin addiction, authorities say.
The most commonly abused prescription drug, hydrocodone, also is the most widely prescribed drug in America, according to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency. Better known as Vicodin, the pain reliever is prescribed more often than the top cholesterol drug and the top antibiotic.
The most commonly abused prescription drug, hydrocodone, also is the most widely prescribed drug in America, according to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency. Better known as Vicodin, the pain reliever is prescribed more often than the top cholesterol drug and the top antibiotic
Overdose victims range in age and circumstance from teenagers who pop pills to get a heroin-like high to middle-aged working men and women who take medications prescribed for strained backs and bum knees and become addicted
Drug fatalities more than doubled among teens and young adults between 2000 and 2008, years for which more detailed data are available. Deaths more than tripled among people aged 50 to 69, the Times analysis found. In terms of sheer numbers, the death toll is highest among people in their 40s."


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Pacific Islander Festival September 24th and 25th, Ski Beach

Pacific Islander Festival  September 24 and 25, 2011
Ski Beach, San Diego, CA.

Emphasis on the Indigenous People of Melanesia, Micronesia and Polynesia.  Heali'is Polynesian Revue is a special treat! Free admission
There will be a fee for parking in the west side parking lots just west of Ski Beach near the Paradise Point Resort. The cost for parking in these lots will be $10.00 per vehicle. No in and out privileges will be allowed.
There's also  a $1 per person shuttle fee. All shuttles will be collecting $1 from each person utilizing a seat on all shuttles taking you to the Pacific Islander Festival.. For more information call 619-699-8797 or email PIFA at

At Ski Beach Ikuna Koa Outrigger Club will feature a Canoe Regatta and Rawmana Fitness has partnered with PIFA's cultural village to put on a Pacific Islander Olympics for 18 years and up

For the past 7 years Fire Knife of Samoa has hosted our Fire Knife Dance Competition bringing the best of Fire Knife Dancers from around the world. Preserving the legacy of the late Paramount Chief Olo Misilagi Letuli – the Father of the Fire Knife Dance who so loved his Polynesian entertainment.

This year in the spirit of Fa’aitoito which translates as “keep the motivation and never give up” we are adding our 1st Annual Pacific Island Talent Contest beginning Friday Evening, September 2nd and because of its success last year, will host our 2nd Annual Tahitian Solo Competition during the day as well as our 8th Annual Fireknife Dance Competition during the evenings. Each of our events has attracted some of the most talented singers and dancers from Polynesian communities around the world, and we are once again proud to share it with you.


Anthony Kiedis and Ed Ruscha - Great Video, Pacific Standard Time

On vacation in Hawaii earlier this year, Anthony Kiedis walked by me on the beach, wearing a wetsuit, heading out to catch some waves. I noticed him immediately, and later told friends that I had crossed paths with him. 
Everyone said to me, "How did you recognize him?" 
Well, even with his wetsuit covering up the arms, look at the eyes and hair...maybe just his energy?
He kinda stands out. 

Discuss Art for Pacific Standard Time


Current HIV & Men's Health Education in San Diego

A Better, Cheaper Way To Fight HIV

Bjørn Lomborg's new Copenhagen Consensus project to identify the most cost-effective ways to battle the disease.


New Favorite Movie
The Sea Inside

New Favorite Recipe
Pita Pizza 
New Favorite Gift Shop
Bamboo Studio
New Favorite Band
My Morning Jacket 
New Favorite Make-up
Laura Mercier
New Favorite Party Idea
Classroom Potluck
New Favorite Book
I Heart Design

New Favorite Live Theater
Susurrus La Jolla Playhouse


Emotionally Focused Therapy In Couples & Mindfulness

Emotionally Focused Therapy in Couples and Mindfulness

"This approach includes nine steps or interventions that are commonly employed. 
  • They are (a) delineating conflict issues in core struggle (where  the therapist assesses the conflicting issues presented), (b) identifying negative
  • interaction cycle (how each partner contributed to the transactional
  • patterns that have become negative), (c) accessing the unacknowledged
  • feeling and underlying interactional positions (assisting the partners to identify
  • and own feelings that contribute to the perpetuation of the transactional
  • patterns), (d) reframing the problem in terms of underlying feelings and
  • attachment needs (translating the conflictual behavioral and communication
  • patterns in terms of emotional needs), (e) identifying disowned needs and
  • (g) facilitating experience of needs and wants and creating emotional engagement (helping partners to articulate their emotional needs and helping them to build an empathic connection), (h) establishing the emergence of new solutions, and (i) consolidating new emotional and therefore behavioral positions in relation to one another (S. M. Johnson & Greenberg, 1985).
EFT focuses on both the immediacy and family of origin work that may be
incorporated to ensure emotional clarity regarding the impact that childhood
experiences may have on adult attachment relationships and their ensuing

Mindfulness Practice

Mindfulness can be defined as “the direction of attention toward one’s
ongoing experience, in a manner that is characterized by openness and
acceptance” (Bishop et al., 2004, p. 231). Mindfulness stems from an Eastern
tradition of meditational practice and is an ongoing practice in which one
pays particular attention to one’s thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations in
the present moment without having to alter or avoid them. This approach,
originally employed in group form, fosters the client’s abilities to stay in
the present moment and obstruct reactive negative thought cycles (Teasdale,
Segal, & Williams, 2003). In depression relapse prevention, clients are taught
mindfulness practices such as how to stay in the present moment and
heighten sensory awareness; how to disengage from their judgmental, evaluative
language; and then how to specifically apply these skills to notice and
disengage from depressive thinking before it spirals into depression relapse.
Clients are encouraged to try and maintain a more objective relationship
to their thoughts, that is, “thoughts” are “thoughts” rather than “truths” and
these thoughts may hold some significance and they may not (Greason &
Cashwell, 2009; Segal, Williams, & Teasdale, 2002; Williams, 2008)."


"It is far harder to create than to destroy. 
That's why the builders of our world are 
the ones honored by history."


Military Parents Participants Wanted: Veterans Admin, PTSD Free Material Downloads

Parenting Research Study
Seeking Participants for Research Study Study Title: Parenting Styles of Military and Civilian Families: The Impact of Deployment, Mood, and Marital Satisfaction
Researcher: Active duty Army Officer and PhD student studying Clinical Psychology at the
Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences
Study Purpose: To examine how military and civilian families parent similarly/differently and to
what extent deployment, anxiety, depression, and marital satisfaction are
related to parenting style in military families.
Study Participants: Parents (military and civilian) of a 12-18 year old child.
Study Method: Data is being collected via an online survey which takes 20-30 minutes to
To participate: Please click on and take the

For questions: Contact

Download Free VA Materials, Understanding PTSD


Ovarian Cancer, Signs and Symptoms - Nine Girls Ask? Sharp Hospital Sept. 15th, Free Event

I had the recent pleasure of attending the Nine Girls Ask? Ovarian Cancer Fundraiser at the La Jolla Marriott this past Saturday.
As a guest of Herb Henderson, a kind gentleman who lost his beloved Kitty to ovarian cancer, I attended the benefit and learned a few facts about ovarian cancer.
After hearing two very moving first-hand accounts of signs and symptoms, I know now that many folks, myself included, simply don't know what to look for. 
Even many doctors are befuddled by the early signs of this cancer type.
Here are few of the signs and symptoms of Ovarian Cancer:
  • Abdominal pressure, bloating, discomfort
  • Nausea, indigestion, or gassy sensations
  • Weight gain (a widening girth) or weight loss
  • Lower back pain
  • Shortness of breath
And...a PAP smear is NOT a test for ovarian cancer. Oral contraceptives, pregnancy, and breastfeeding reduce ovarian cancer risk.
    Nine Girls Ask? was started three years ago. The event that I attended was only their third event and it sold out. Over 500 tickets sold, with a banner crowd, wine tasting, booths, auctions. Local Anchor Susan Taylor (she was terrific!) emcee'd the luncheon and led the chattery attendees with a gentle but expert hand.
    Nine Girls Ask? was started by a gal who was diagnosed with O.C. but has now fully recovered. Oh, and the nine girls are her three daughters and five granddaughters. How about that?
    I was very impressed by the energy and compassion in the room. 
    Bravo to one woman, Joan Wyllie -  a strong spirit and beautiful vision.
    September 15th
    Free Event

    Please join us for a free seminar hosted by the Cancer Institute at Sharp Memorial Hospital. This is a unique opportunity to hear directly from respected specialists about:
    - What screening tests to get and at what age
    - Risk factors, diagnosis and advanced treatment options for breast and ovarian cancer
    - The latest in digital mammography and other diagnostic tools
    - Healthy cooking and complementary therapies
    Space is limited.

    Register Date Time Location Available Spaces
    9/15/2011 5:30 PM to
    8:30 PM
    Thursday, Sharp Memorial Outpatient Pavilion 58


    Bereavement Group, Widows, Death and Grief Support

    Bereavement Support Group
    September 14, 2011
    St Patricks Catholic Church


    What Your Child's Teacher Really Thinks

    Editor's note: Ron Clark, author of "The End of Molasses Classes: Getting Our Kids Unstuck -- 101 Extraordinary Solutions for Parents and Teachers," has been named "American Teacher of the Year" by Disney and was Oprah Winfrey's pick as her "Phenomenal Man." He founded The Ron Clark Academy, which educators from around the world have visited to learn.

    (CNN) -- This summer, I met a principal who was recently named as the administrator of the year in her state. She was loved and adored by all, but she told me she was leaving the profession.

    I screamed, "You can't leave us," and she quite bluntly replied, "Look, if I get an offer to lead a school system of orphans, I will be all over it, but I just can't deal with parents anymore; they are killing us."

    Unfortunately, this sentiment seems to be becoming more and more prevalent. Today, new teachers remain in our profession an average of just 4.5 years, and many of them list "issues with parents" as one of their reasons for throwing in the towel. Word is spreading, and the more negativity teachers receive from parents, the harder it becomes to recruit the best and the brightest out of colleges.

    So, what can we do to stem the tide? What do teachers really need parents to understand?
    read the full story


    Cancer Support, Healing, Group Information, Scripps Hospital

    The Lebed Method 

    Scripps La Jolla offers a group exercise program to help people recovering from cancer and other chronic illness. Treatment can often lead to disturbances in strength, range of motion, balance, lymphatic flow, energy levels, body image and quality of life. The Lebed Method—Focus on Healing Through Movement and Exercise class combines music and therapeutic exercises to:
    • Emphasize good posture and balance
    • Reduce pain and risk of lymphedema (see our lymphedema management program)
    • Stimulate circulation
    • Improve energy, range of motion and self image
    Classes are free to the community, but participants must provide signed consent and medical clearance.
    Class schedule: Tuesdays from 2:30 to 3:30 p.m., on the 2nd floor of the Schaetzel Center at Scripps Memorial Hospital La Jolla. Please call 1-800-SCRIPPS (1-800-727-4777) for registration. Classes are limited to 20 people per session.
    Tai Chi
    Every Monday and Wednesday
    10/01/2010 - 12/31/2011
    9-10 a.m.
    Scripps La Jolla Wellness Center offers a number of exercise classes for your health and wellness.
    Tai chi is a form moving meditation with a focus on breathing. It is great for relaxation, stress management and balance. Tai Chi can serve as an excellent addition to any exercise program and is considered low impact and is open to anyone.


    There is no charge for the class and parking validation will be given.

    Class Details

    The fitness center is located on the second floor of the Schaetzel Center on the campus of Scripps Memorial Hospital La Jolla. Please arrive around 15 minutes early to allow time for parking and walking to the class.


    Please call 858-626-6493 to register. Registration is required.


    Schaetzel Center

    9888 Genesee Avenue
    San Diego, CA 92037
    View Map

    To Register

    Phone: 858-626-6493

    and there's more! All free

    Yoga for Cancer Recovery

    Every Tuesday
    Scripps Memorial Hospital La Jolla
    9-10 a.m. Scripps Cancer Center and the Scripps La Jolla Wellness Center offer a number of exercise classes to aid you through your cancer treatment and beyond. These classes can help increase qual...

    Balance Class

    Every Tuesday
    Scripps Memorial Hospital La Jolla
    11:30 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. Scripps Cancer Center and the Scripps La Jolla Wellness Center offer a number of exercise classes to aid you through your cancer treatment and beyond. These classes can help...

    Power Yoga

    Every Tuesday and Thursday
    Scripps Memorial Hospital La Jolla
    5-6 p.m. Scripps La Jolla Wellness Center offers a number of exercise classes for your health and wellness. Ashtanga style series of yoga postures with focus on rhythmic breathing, stretching and s...


    Every Friday
    Scripps Memorial Hospital La Jolla
    10-11 a.m. Scripps La Jolla Wellness Center offers a number of exercise classes for your health and wellness. Meditation uses breathing and relaxation techniques to reduce stress and center concent...


    Ending My Life, Wanting to Die, Thinking of Suicide? Trevor Project, Talk To Me!

    National Suicide Prevention Week begins the Sunday of Labor Day weekend and extends through the following Saturday, Sept. 4 -10. This important awareness week helps us learn what to do if someone we care about is in crisis, including if that person is you. One of the best tools to preventing suicide is lowering the bar to getting help. When you say, "Talk to me," your offer of care and acceptance could help save a life. Read More Here


    The Obesity Epidemic & Free Classes This Week

    The Obesity Epidemic

    Obesity map. For data, see PowerPoint or PDF linked above.

    2010 State Obesity Rates
    State % State % State % State %
    Alabama 32.2 Illinois 28.2 Montana 23.0 Rhode Island 25.5
    Alaska 24.5 Indiana 29.6 Nebraska 26.9 South Carolina 31.5
    Arizona 24.3 Iowa 28.4 Nevada 22.4 South Dakota 27.3
    Arkansas 30.1 Kansas 29.4 New Hampshire 25.0 Tennessee 30.8
    California 24.0 Kentucky 31.3 New Jersey 23.8 Texas 31.0
    Colorado 21.0 Louisiana 31.0 New Mexico 25.1 Utah 22.5
    Connecticut 22.5 Maine 26.8 New York 23.9 Vermont 23.2
    Delaware 28.0 Maryland 27.1 North Carolina 27.8 Virginia 26.0
    District of Columbia 22.2 Massachusetts 23.0 North Dakota 27.2 Washington 25.5
    Florida 26.6 Michigan 30.9 Ohio 29.2 West Virginia 32.5
    Georgia 29.6 Minnesota 24.8 Oklahoma 30.4 Wisconsin 26.3
    Hawaii 22.7 Mississippi 34.0 Oregon 26.8 Wyoming 25.1
    Idaho 26.5 Missouri 30.5 Pennsylvania 28.6
    The data shown in these maps were collected through the CDC's Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System (BRFSS), on the basis of self-reported weight and height. Each year, state health departments use standard procedures to collect data through a series of monthly telephone interviews with U.S. adults. Prevalence estimates generated for the maps may vary slightly from those generated for the states by the BRFSS as slightly different analytic methods are used.

    County-Specific Obesity, Diabetes, and Physical Inactivity Prevalence

    Combining county-level estimates for obesity, diagnosed diabetes, and leisure time physical inactivity for 2008 show that counties with high levels of all three conditions are primarily concentrated in the South and Appalachia, while counties with low levels of all three conditions are primarily concentrated in the Northeast and West.

    A great new opportunity to "try before you buy" -- get to know the instructor and see what the class is like.  No pre-registration is required.  Just show up, and try something new!
    Free sample classes schedule >> 

    Wednesday, Sept. 7:
    • 8-9:30 a.m. - Adult Live Ball Tennis Workout, Poinsettia Park Tennis Court 4
    • 3:30-4:30 p.m. - Big Hitters Tennis for ages 11-14, Poinsettia Park Tennis Court 1
    • 4:30-6 p.m. - Youth Tournament Tennis for ages 11-16, Poinsettia Park Tennis Court 1
    • 7-8 p.m. - Beginning Jitterbug Swing, Senior Center Activity Room
    Thursday, Sept. 8
    • 9 -10 a.m. - Health Barre, Calavera Hills Community Center
    • 10:15-11:15 a.m. - Zumba Fitness, Calavera Hills Community Center
    Saturday, Sept. 10
    • 10 -10:45 a.m. - Princess Ballet and Tap, Harding Community Center
    Sunday September 11th, 2011 
    Sweaty Sundays
    Join Jessica from Purefitness at 10am for Boot Camp! Get ready to sweat!


      Adjusting to Civilian Life After Separation

      You have left the military, but do you still have a
      By Louis Gibson, OEF/OIF/OND Transitional Patient Advocate and OIF Veteran


      Arachnids: Spiders, Mites, Ticks, and Scorpions

      Wicked Bugs: The Louse That Conquered Napoleon's Army & Other Diabolical Insects, a new book by Amy Stewart

      Arachnid: any of a class (Arachnida) of arthropods comprising chiefly terrestrial invertebrates, including the spiders, scorpions, mites, and ticks, and having a segmented body divided into two regions of which the anterior bears four pairs of legs but no antennae .
      Arachnophobia: Illogical fear of arachnids.

      Did you know that body lice undid Napoleon's Army? For every human being on our planet, there are 200 million bugs? Or, that local etymologists had years earlier warned of termites eating away at the levee's (made up of sugar cane waste), which were ultimately breached prior to Hurricane Katrina. Scorpions are visible with infrared light at night, they are present year-round in Arizona where half a million people are bit each year - and a new scorpion anti-venom has just been developed.


      Pros and Cons of Ritalin for ADHD, L.A. Times Interview With Dr. Lawrence Diller

      Revisiting Ritalin and ADHD
      This is a well-balanced and thoughtful piece on Ritalin.

      May 15, 2011| 
      By Melissa Healy, Los Angeles Times
      "Fifteen years ago, Dr. Lawrence H. Diller, a pediatrician from Walnut Creek, ignited a national debate over the steep rise in children being diagnosed with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and treated with stimulant medication.

      Diller's 1996 book, "Running on Ritalin," suggested that ADHD was being over-diagnosed, and that Ritalin, and the many formulations of amphetamine-like drugs that would follow, was being prescribed in many cases to children who would respond well to family therapy and tailored programs and routines at home and at school."


      Unhappy Defeated Boys Can Become Happy Powerful Men

      Hugo Schwyzer uses memories of his awkward, unhappy, throughly alienated years in middle school as powerful tools for defeating addiction and self-loathing.