"Speaking of pressure, I think of long-term marriage like I think
about living in Minnesota, in Lake Wobegon, perhaps. You move into
marriage in the springtime of hope, but eventually arrive at the
Minnesota winter with its cold and darkness. Many of us are tempted to
give up and move south at this point. We go to a therapist for help.
Some therapists don’t know how to help us cope with winter, and we get
frostbite in their care. Other therapists tell us that we are being
personally victimized by winter, that we deserve better, that winter
will never end, and that if we are true to ourselves we will leave our
marriage and head south. The problem of course is that our next
marriage will enter its own winter at some point. Do we just keep
moving on, or do we make our stand now--with this person, in this
season? That’s the moral, existential question. A good therapist, a
brave therapist, will help us to cling together as a couple, warming
each other against the cold of winter, and to seek out whatever sunlight
is still available while we wrestle with our pain and disillusionment.
A good therapist, a brave therapist will be the last one in the room to
give up on our marriage, not the first one, knowing that the next
springtime in Minnesota is all the more glorious for the winter that we
endured together. Thank you."
___________________
Copyright CMFCE.
Bill Doherty, PhD, is the founder of Discernment Counseling a program that trains therapists and counselors to work with couples who are considering divorce. This approach for pro-marriage therapists and marriage counselors was inspired by the keynote address above.
