What constitutes infidelity?
“Infidelity occurs when one partner in a relationship
continues to believe that the agreement to be faithful is still in force, while
the other is secretly violating it.”(Lusterman 1998)
An affair is a secret: emotionally, and or/sexually charged
relationship a person has outside of a committed relationship, whether in
person, by telephone or in cyberspace (Shelton, 2003).
Obsessive review occurs when a hurt partner repetitively
mentally examines or analyzes aspects of the affair or of the relationship
before, during, or after discovery (R. Weiss, 1975). This is seen as an attempt
to achieve some mastery in the face of shock and helplessness, and to create a
mental narration of events so they become part of an individual’s personal
history.
If a secret affair is going on or continues after discovery,
therapy cannot help the couple until it is revealed. When an affair is known
but persisting, therapy that builds on a couple’s strengths may help the
unfaithful partner feel some hope and therefore be willing to try a period of
abstinence from the lover (Moultrup, 1990).