Parallel Parenting: The name for parenting when a child is raised with separate rules, recommended as the style of parenting for those dealing with an ex who has a personality disorder (borderline or narcissistic) or is extremely volatile.
This type of parent (parent A) is emotionally charged, preventing any effective co-parenting, no matter how hard the other parent (parent B) tries to manage the outbursts and irrationality. This type of parent (parent A) is emotionally charged, preventing any effective co-parenting, no matter how hard the other parent (parent B) tries to manage the outbursts and irrationality. The more stable partner will often "walk on eggshells" to please the highly dysregulated parent, to avoid further conflict for the kid's sake, or to keep the peace, which may work for awhile. However, the emotional cost of placating partner A comes with a high cost, feeling like an emotional blackmail for partner B.
Examples:
- one or both parents still harbor resentment toward the another due to the breakup or separation and that affects communication and the willingness to co-parent;
- one or both parents do not respect the other parent’s role and refuse to work with the other;
- one or both parents have related emotional upheaval that doesn’t allow for effective communication.
Typically what we like to see in a parallel parenting plan order is the following:
- the specific days of the visits,
- the specific start times and end times,
- the pick up and drop off location,
- specific provisions about cancellation and make up time, if any,
- responsibility for transportation, and
- what happens after a dispute between the parents over the custody schedule.
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Not Everyone Should Consciously Uncouple
