10 reasons not to get a tattoo*
I love a nice tattoo as much as anybody, but, there are at least 10 good reasons not to get one. When I got my tattoo before the turn of the century, c. 1989, I only knew one other female who had one and the only men who had ink then were bikers and Vietnam Veterans. So, who knew my unique body art would catch on to be such a common must-have accessory. The thing is, no matter how clever your tattoo is, eventually you will see it on someone else. Bob Marley's hair, the Lord's Prayer, your date of conception or child's name in Sanskrit, Eeyore, a black Dahlia: all mainstream now.
Here are 10 reasons why you should not get a tattoo.
1) Bodies change, this is factual. Your swollen pectorals (bicep, calf muscle, et al) will not always be. I swear. Ever heard of weight-gain? And, then the dramatic nature of your ink's design changes, and it's never for the better. Skin stretches and gets splotchy, illness, tonal loss, sun damage, and ladies, think about pregnancy, breastfeeding, and hormones. Boobs get smaller, then larger, then smaller again. Gelatinous and I'll-defined. I swear. All of these natural occurrences wreck havoc on what once was so calculated and sexy...your perfectly positioned and conceptualized body art.
[def] "tattoo" is a corruption of the Polynesian word tatau spoken by the European sailors exploring the Southern Ocean.
2) No matter what design is chosen, this idea (a symbol, a picture, a name) will evolve over time with aging. It will either become less meaningful - his initials still on your delicate arm after you've broken up or a long-dead mystical language that only you and five friends know about - or the idea becomes more meaningful and seems trivialized now by the embedded ink.
3) Ink changes color. Have you seen the tattoo eye-liner 5 years out? It gets all the stranger because hair color changes as well. Spooky and vampish. I think that fad has slowly moved on, thankfully. Skin, the largest organ in our body, sheds, black becomes green, green becomes black (cell division) and soft pastels vanish before your very
eyes.
4) It's smart to play your cards close to the vest. Keep em' guessing. Still waters run deep. Tattoos reveal your hand. Why be so open?
5) Tattoos are addictive - I experienced this first-hand. I wanted another immediately, maybe a leopard clawing its' way up my thigh (really!) This addictive quality is inexplicable but others will attest to it as well.
6) Tattoo shops come and go, with only a handful staying in business for more than a year or two. I remember when a new shop opened in my area, the artists (and, yes, they are talented artists) were rock stars and you'd consider yourself blessed to be indelibly inked by one of them. I was friends with one of them. He had tribal work before anyone; it was so cool and he had it going on in all areas. But now, tribal is milk toast, bland, passé.
7) People change, a lot. It's impossible to believe that your career goals may shift,
drastically. Your circles spin, a new religion may find you, or you'd like to become Attorney General. Humans are judgmental. Choosing a tattoo for life is like choosing a partner for life, in kindergarten. I swear. At age 40, no one wants the car they wanted at 19, which is why people who marry before the age of 25 are statistically doomed for divorce.
8) Yes, the roots of tattooing are exotic and if you know the history of this ancient art, you are esoteric, original, a cut above - may i suggest that you take up martial arts or flying instead? Tattoo victims are not that complex, often believing they are part of an elite club of people who know more than others. (Samoan tatau tools and patterns of New Zealand.) I recently returned from a trip to Kauai, where I saw the most beautiful, and contextually appropriate, ink on many local Hawaiian men (no color, by the way). Other cultural tattoo markings include three dots on the hand representing both Mi Vida Loca (my crazy life) or "death to cops" for Latinos, and the under eye tear drop code for having killed someone in California gang style but this has more currently morphed into signifying the loss of a loved one. You should not get a tattoo.
9) In a world of same-same, we are both pack animal and desperately unique individual. For two years I assisted in a peer to peer therapy group for women in maximum security prison. The only differentiating accessory was either a string around each woman's wrist or a hair ribbon. Other than that single piece of body decor, the colors were bland and humans are depersonalized. Tattoos are the 21st century's cheap way (say, $65.00) of becoming unique and special, nothing wrong there. But tattooing is permanent scarification. Traditionally, to receive a tattoo was a rite of passage, earned and approved of by other, more wise, family and community members, not to be grabbed at the mall or next to the pot shop.
10) Many of life's bigger decisions come down to this, what if? What if it doesn't go well, can I recover from it? What are the costs (emotional, physical, financial)? If the water is too shallow, will the dive break my neck? This line of linear questioning has helped me make many decisions, because, believe it or not, most decisions can be undone. Life is surprisingly forgiving with many rewinds and do-overs.
A bad job choice, a business venture, a relationship, a fib, a geographical move, a home purchase. If more people knew this, they would take more chances. But, a few decisions bring with them irrevocable consequences. There are absolutes, not many, but a few, er, two; death and a tattoo. The fiscal cost of removing a tattoo is five times the cost of putting it on, and the pain is great, requiring several visits, and even then leaving a permanent scar. The craving for a cigarette passes within 2 minutes. When I randomly come across a great new dress to buy, I walk out of the store and wait to see if I am still thinking about it the next day. If so, I head back - usually the impulse passes. No need to scratch ever itch. If you sincerely have a craving for a tattoo, allow 30 days to pass, and see what happens.
Is it likely that I can talk anyone out of a tattoo? Negative.
*If you are Maori, you are exempt from this advice, and lucky you.
