Work, Work, Work

 Bees Language

 Young Men and What's Not Expected

"I won't assume anything about you based on immutable characteristics.

I respect the cultural values of my clients and their families.

I believe in teaching children to accept their bodies.

I believe in empowering my patients and helping them find agency.

I welcome clients who wish to integrate their faith into counseling.

I will treat you as a whole person. I will explore underlying and complex issues you face as an individual.

I believe in working collaboratively with parents and helping families build stronger connections.

I do not judge people for their personal medical decisions."

courtesy of thetruthfultherapist.org

This is how the human brain works: we have evolved to fear the worst and remember all the bad things to protect ourselves and the future of our species. We ruminate on the prior fails and fire/wire all threat response memory. Knowing this, we can hack our hardwire and find a way to embellish the positive experiences (truly embed them!) and minimize or dissipate those harmful and disturbing encounters.

The greater the love, the greater the grief. Monday was the one year anniversary of Chris's passing. I was reminded that his suffering ended that day, so I survived the day with less sorrow. Chris didn't go around with a bumper sticker on his car that said, "Family First." He just did it. He didn’t draw attention to himself about how devoted he was to our family. He just did it. Day in and day out, he never faltered in giving the most that he could each and every day. He didn’t brag or boast. He had disdain for people who did that. My favorite story that I heard after Chris passed was from Japheth, our "bumper guy." He told me that Chris was his only client that sat in the car all the while work was being done. Just sort of...participating. There is no love without loss. My husband loved Christmas...Christmas music. He loved the beginning of summer. He loved the smell of night air that reminded him of Vista in the wayback days. He loved good fruit. He loved a great meal. He was scuba certified and he jumped out of an airplane via parachute maybe 50 times. He didn’t mention these things often but I believe he released himself to the next world having gotten the most out of the marrow. Because I loved him so much, I don’t think he deserved what he got in the end. The ugly monster of cancer. Another friend sent me the quote from C.S. Lewis: "You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body." Chris absolutely had his faith in The Great Spirit. If there is a heaven, I know he is there. Measure twice. Cut once. Honorable.

Dog Days of Summer

David Hockney

Some Recommended Reading:

Rich Friends/Poor Friends (Sign up for his free newsletter)

Julie Bindel (Sign up for her free newsletter)

Persuasion (Sign up for the free newsletter)

The Four Horsemen & Antidotes

My professional role working with young adults for many years will speak here - but please understand that I also have great compassion wearing my mom-hat. I have two sons. One loves the remote learning and would frankly prefer it. My other was crushed by it early on.

School and college failure is a large part of my clinical/therapeutic practice as a licensed therapist. There are many reasons that our terrific kiddos do not thrive in their college/uni years: yes, even those who do exceptionally well in high school (academics/sports, extracurriculars). In fact, those super achievers sometimes have a harder time. Some common reasons...1) College is really, really hard. Graduating is not at all about IQ or potential 2) Party atmosphere 3) bad choices 3) Depression/anxiety 4) Unmotivated. That's absolutely not a parent's job to fix. The consequences for not completing school have to be clearly outlined as early as possible. 5) The unknowns. Some times we have NO IDEA what is really going on with our children. Finally, 6) College isn't the right path for many of us. Our goals are not always their goals. That has to be ok! Life is bigger than that degree. 

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The Lost Art of Bi-Phasic Sleep

Emotional Holiday Fitness aka Self Care

1. Memorize a short poem.
2. Maker muffins for the local fire dept.
3. Clean out a closet and donate.
4. Choose five books to read in 2022.
5. If travelling, choose close-by support meetings in advance. 
6. Go to the zoo.
7. Write a song.
8. Create new traditions
9. Don’t feel compelled to bring food or presents to gatherings. 
10. Create 10 minute escapes if we know we will be in a tense environ i.e., a phone call with a grounding friend at a designated time. 
11. Try to hit your 10,000 steps. 
12. Remove social media that makes you feel bad about yourself. 
13. Don’t feel restricted to dietary limitations. 
14. Take your own car if you feel you might want to arrive later or leave earlier for your own well-being. 
15. Anticipate that significant dates naturally invite us to feel sadness or grief (Embrace the Suck).
16. Write letters to people you love and tell them how important they are to us. The greatest gift of all.
17. Write a letter to a deceased loved-one. 
18. Start your holiday with early morning sunshine, proven to reset our sleep habits and create a better sense of well-being throughout the day.