Ineffective Communication Skills
You should just...
Relax
Take it easy
Let it go
Don't worry about
It's not that big of a deal
You're making a mountain out of a molehill
You're such a ...
You always ...
You're such a ...
You always ...
Effective Communication Skills
Tell me more
Do you feel frustrated?
You sound concerned
What can I do to help
I know you'll make a good decision
I trust you to handle it well
I think we see it differently
How are you feeling about ...
How are you feeling about ...
Avoid
Name calling
Insulting
Bringing up the past (kitchen sinking)
Non verbal communication (eye rolling, harumphing, crossing arms, or balling up fists)
Take a break when you become agitated: "I'm getting agitated, can we come back to this after I eat/take a shower/get a work out/pray/meditate."
If you'd like to read a good book (or, listen to it on audio) check out anything along the lines of "Non Violent Communication." I know, it's a funny description, but it's practical information combined with a gentle approach. When we have compassion for someone else's perspective, we can't feel angry towards them. In fact, seeing another person's perspective is quite a creative leap - like, imagining how one designs a bridge or maneuver's up the side of a rock ledge. People who have a hard time seeing another person's perspective tend to be rigid. Rigidity is inflexible, and, flexibility is the key to riding out the waves of life.
Creativity is organic and bursts with new ideas...solutions! When creativity is tested in a controlled environment, it becomes evident that solutions exist in creativity, which implies flexible thoughts and a willingness to see the prism from a new angle.
Self-control is important to fighting fairly with your partner (child, boss, neighbor, driver in lane 4). Prisons are not made up of stupid people. No, prisons are made up of people who have one prevailing characteristic; they're impulsive. Impulsive people lack in self-control.
Non verbal communication (eye rolling, harumphing, crossing arms, or balling up fists)
Take a break when you become agitated: "I'm getting agitated, can we come back to this after I eat/take a shower/get a work out/pray/meditate."
If you'd like to read a good book (or, listen to it on audio) check out anything along the lines of "Non Violent Communication." I know, it's a funny description, but it's practical information combined with a gentle approach. When we have compassion for someone else's perspective, we can't feel angry towards them. In fact, seeing another person's perspective is quite a creative leap - like, imagining how one designs a bridge or maneuver's up the side of a rock ledge. People who have a hard time seeing another person's perspective tend to be rigid. Rigidity is inflexible, and, flexibility is the key to riding out the waves of life.
Creativity is organic and bursts with new ideas...solutions! When creativity is tested in a controlled environment, it becomes evident that solutions exist in creativity, which implies flexible thoughts and a willingness to see the prism from a new angle.
Self-control is important to fighting fairly with your partner (child, boss, neighbor, driver in lane 4). Prisons are not made up of stupid people. No, prisons are made up of people who have one prevailing characteristic; they're impulsive. Impulsive people lack in self-control.
Certain words can de-escalate our own irritation or upset...first, calming oneself with slow breathing, then saying something like, "I'm observing myself trying to count, breathe, and think clearly here."
How do we gain self-control? By seeing another person's perspective, experiencing their reality, and creatively imagining that the solution is very different than you originally had planned; the plans can be drawn up a new way, the t.p. can hang over and not under, that the rude cashier was in fact, just tired/sick/pregnant/broken-hearted.
IQ has no bearing on effective communication skills. Being smart doesn't make someone more mature or patient, but, being open-minded (again, flexible and willing) is a direct path to thinking, "Hmmm...you could be right!"
Tips
When speaking to your spouse, be eyeball to eyeball. No shouting from the other room, passing each other with tidbits of information, or speaking to someone's back. Always ask, "is now a good time?" If it isn't, ask for a reasonable and better time.
...................................................................................................
IQ has no bearing on effective communication skills. Being smart doesn't make someone more mature or patient, but, being open-minded (again, flexible and willing) is a direct path to thinking, "Hmmm...you could be right!"
Tips
When speaking to your spouse, be eyeball to eyeball. No shouting from the other room, passing each other with tidbits of information, or speaking to someone's back. Always ask, "is now a good time?" If it isn't, ask for a reasonable and better time.
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