July 16, 2012 · When a child
expresses disappointment over not making the team, many parents will try
to comfort them by saying “you shouldn’t feel that way, you’ll make
it next time.” The better way to handle the situation says Melissa
Cook, a counselor and author of “The Power of Validation” is to
acknowledge the child’s feelings.
Cook says that validating or acknowledging the feelings
of a child may sound like a simple concept, but that it’s difficult to
put into practice. Cook says that when we tell a child that they
shouldn’t feel sad, disappointed or angry; we are unintentionally
telling them that there is something wrong with them because they feel
that way. Instead we should help the child talk about their
feelings.
Teaching children to trust their own feelings helps give them the strength to stand up against peer pressure.
Cook is a certified counselor, and her co-author, Karyn
Hall is a certified psychologist.