2.12.2017


Adult Teen Living at Home...

QUESTION: My 19-year old son lives at home and attends community college. He believes that because he is an adult, he can come and go as he wishes. He has had parties when we were absent and has a girlfriend over with the door closed. He does not pay rent but maintains good grades.


"My House, My Rules"


ANSWER: Freedom and privilege are earned by behaviors - not chronological age. If you clothing, feeding, and sheltering him, then he is living as a dependent, not an adult. I would also guess that you pay his car payment and phone bill, which further allows you the ability to restrict his curfew and guests in the home. Living rent-free with mom and dad, should be fairly uncomfortable, otherwise they'd never feel the longing to leave.

How to Unfeather that Delicious Home Nest: Remove their cellular data. The kiddo can always access internet from the home, coffee shops and school. Limit data usage...life is not an unlimited plan, so let's teach them how to curb their impulses. Don't eat out often. Make tghem buy their own recreation (movies, concerts, clothing). Set a be-home curfew (this has nothing to do with their adulthood but everything to do with the fact that shutting down the day at a certain hour is reasonable). Limit the guests in the home. Remove the cable boxes. Terminate Netflix, or at least change your password so that only you may access it.  Refuse to allow closed bedroom doors. 




24 Hour San Diego Adult Access and Crisis Line 
at 1-888-724-7240.